Divorce is a messy proposition. A divorce can be the result of infidelity, violence or just not getting along anymore with your spouse. It does not matter what the reason is. A divorce is tough on all parties involved. It is particularly hard when children are involved. What to do and how to handle the kids is a mystery. It is a mystery to all because every child reacts differently when put in this situation.
My personal experience is with my teenage daughter. Hopefully this will help some of you in the same situation.
The reason I got divorced was my ex-wife decided that some guy that she worked with was better than I was and she would be happier with him. Catching her in all her lies and finding out about the affair, I decided to divorce her.
When I fist found out what was going on, I threw her out of the house. I had a teenage daughter. She was 14 at the time. Of course her mother wanted her to live with her. She would not do it. Children have an uncanny way of knowing who is wrong and who is right. My daughter lived me for over a year. We had our fights but all in all everything was good. She went to visit her mother in Florida once in a while.
One day mom decided she wanted her daughter to live with her to see how it would go. Well, after thinking about it for over 6 months, my decision was made. I would give my permission for my daughter to go live with her mother for 1 year to see how it went.
The reason I allowed this was because the last thing in the world I wanted to do was put my daughter through a custody battle. I knew full well that that my daughter may end up staying there. I asked my daughter if she would be willing to try and she said yes. I let the teenage girl make this decision for herself. By making the decision for herself, she can not come back at dad and blame me for making her go. Giving kids a say in what happens during this whole divorce process and even the years after it, gives them a sense that they have some control of what is happening to them. This feeling can be invaluable to them. Neither parent pushed this on her, nor did any court. She decided for herself.
What was the outcome?
I went to visit her in Florida. She liked it there so much that she says she is never leaving. Did it hurt dad? Sure it did. Dad had a feeling this would happen. Teenage girls need their mother more than their father. As long as mom is not abusive or addicted to drugs.
Letting my daughter make her own decision, I truly believe, helped her adjust to the new life with her mom and dad not being together anymore.
The point of the story.
Let the kids have a say in what happens to them. Do not force them. They will resent and hate you if you do. Will they get over it if you do decide to force a decision on them? Maybe. They also may hold their anger in for years.
Do what is best for the kids.
Hopefully my experience will help out other parents with children and going through a divorce. You may want to buy your child a little gift to show them that you support their decision. If they are into basketball, what better that a new pair of basketball shoes. A divorce can be tough on the wallet to. You can get great deals on sporting shoes over at http://www.discountbasketballshoes.org/
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