Two Ways Parents Give Their Child Permission to Say Or Do Something

I address something that is really important when it comes to how children learn they can or cannot do something. This is because the truth is that children learn that they are allowed to do something in two ways.

Permission Granted #1

The first way that children are allowed to do something, or they can have something, is that parents give their children verbal permission.

Let's say that it is dinner time and you want them to get a fork out of the drawer so the child can begin eating. One way to let the child know that he or she are allowed to get the fork is to say "Do me a favor, go into the drawer and get me a fork" That is the first way that the child knows that he or she has permission to take the fork out of the drawer.

Permission Granted #2

The second way that children are granted permission to do something involves saying no words at all. Instead, permission is granted simply from NOT stopping the child.

Continuing the example above, the same child would be granted permission, and (you wouldn't have to say a word) is for little the child to go over to drawer, takes out the fork, brings it over to the table, and he starts using it to eat.

You see if nobody tells the child to put the fork back, or nobody told the child to "ask mommy before you take the fork" that child was given permission. This is the subtle and sticky ways that most children learn that they are allowed to do something.

Many times, children do or don't do something due to the second way that children a granted permission. Often times the things that they say or don't say also came to be because of the second reason also! You don't have to teach a child to say some of the things they say, or do some of the things they do, but can still give them permission to continue how the child is acting.

How?

You give the child permission because you do not stop them, nor did you give them an appropriate alternative to whatever inappropriate words or actions the child used.

Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child's out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?

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Jason Johnson (MSW) has spent many years working with hundreds of challenging toddlers through teenagers diagnosed with A.D.H.D, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, and Bi-polar. He has worked with children and their families in hospitals, mental health facilities, and he continues to go into client's homes until this very day. Jason works with boys and girls (ages 2-19) with SEVERE emotional/behavioral issue from various ethnic backgrounds, races, and religions.