If your parent-child relationship is too far gone and hormones and peer pressure have set in, your child's behavior can rapidly escalate out of control, especially if substance abuse is involved. If you reach this stage, you must get professional help. A 12- or 13-year-old boy is strong and if he is aggressive or hostile, you may need extra help.
If he is out of control and your insurance will cover it, consider placing him in a residential treatment facility. If insurance does not cover it, try your local state-funded mental health center. Ask for an intake interview and a psychological evaluation. You might have to wait a while longer for government facilities versus private facilities, but your child will get the help he needs.
Preparing for Placing Your Child in Residential Treatment
If you have your own referral or resources and decide to place your child in residential treatment, do the preparation. Toughen yourself and prepare for his verbal abuse to "get even" for that inevitable moment he is told of impending placement. That is when kids often run. It is not wise to tell your child until he gets there and you have some backup arms and legs to keep him there.
When your child is admitted, ask the residential staff what you can do at home to support their effort to change him. If the facility has parent meetings, attend them responsibly.Ask the staff if they have parenting classes or if they can refer you to agencies offering classes with a similar treatment philosophy. You need to change to be firmer and smarter. No more doormat persona.
After Your Child Is Placed in Treatment
Never just sit back and congratulate yourself for finally getting rid of your kid. You will be too soft and out of practice to help him when the treatment center discharges him.
Too many parents make the mistake of unrestrained relief when their kids entered special school, residential treatment centers with impact units for schooling, or overseas boarding school.
They pay the school tuition and treatment expenses, so they think that they have earned the relief. Rather than using that respite to brush up on skills, these parents stop going to ADHD support groups and plunge into a seemingly carefree lifestyle.
Unfortunately, their carefree days are short-lived. When the kids return for furloughs and long holidays, the parents feel more resentment and anger toward their kids, after having such a hassle-free, self-imposed vacation from their high-maintenance kids.
Kids Falling Through The Cracks
These parents have lost the ability to cope with such chaos even for short periods. Big ugly quarrels usually erupt, with parents feeling disrespected, dejected, and hopeless. The kids feel rejected, unloved, and primed for a destructive meltdown. These parents' kids were now primed for long-term residential treatment or some type of group home living arrangement.
Kids who chronically run away from home live in a series of runaway shelters, 30 days at each stop. They do not stay long enough for school service. They do not have anyone to monitor their academic achievements to prepare them for the world of work and independent living and supporting themselves.
Some of these parents, when money dried up, would approach the Child Protective Services (CPS) to take over their children. They would sign abandonment papers. Other less-responsible parents would just disappear into thin air.
Heed This Warning!!!
This is the sad lose-lose scenario of untreated ADHD. You cannot afford NOT to train your child to be socially acceptable. You cannot afford not to prepare your child to be independent. Start today before it's too late.
You Can Solve This
If now is a good time to get your child's attitude and behavior under control, I invite you to use these parenting tips to get started. If you want more tips, I invite you to claim your free report "Seven Simple Ways to Get Your Child to Listen to You!" You can download it when you sign up at http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com It explains the methods I used to transform my son's ADHD/ODD behavior from out-of-control to almost normal in 3 weeks. You also get 3 free videos: "How To Prevent Temper Tantrums." The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help your child. You CAN do this.
From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com
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