Divorce and How It Impacts Your Child

The end of a marriage has consequences for everyone in the marriage, the children as well as the adults. But, even though the emotional effects on both partners can be difficult, it's nothing compared to the effects that it will have on your child.

To a child, especially a small child, the home is a safe place. It represents security. He knows that no matter what difficulties he is having at school, in the playgrounds, in the streets, and so on - he always has a comforting place to come back to where his parents will protect and care for him. And then, suddenly, he learns that the two people he has depended on being there for all of his life, are separating. It's devastating. And there's nothing that he can do about it. Children feel powerless much of the time anyway, and this just adds to his sense of powerlessness, depression, and despair.

Part of the reason for this sense of helplessness is that, in most cases, the child never saw it coming. He's had no time to emotionally prepare. Before telling the kids, both adults have no doubt thought and talked about this decision for a while - usually months. And even they are not immune from the resulting emotions. Just think of what this will do to a child without their years of maturity. So one of the things that every parent can do, when thinking about divorce, is to avoid springing it on their children as a surprise. Once you and your partner have decided that a divorce is what you're going to do, make sure to ease your child into accepting the decision, and make sure that both of you are there for him to talk during the transition.

When a couple divorces, no one can predict exactly how the children will react. Some children will begin to wet the bed, a sure sign of anxiety and insecurity. Some will become angry and act out their frustrations and anger with temper tantrums. Others will withdraw into a shell in an attempt to shut off their feelings and protect themselves from being emotionally hurt. What you, as a parent, can do is to make an appointment with a divorce therapist. In fact, you should make an appointment to see the therapist before you even tell the child. She will very well give you many good suggestions as to how to break the news to your child and can also help you to understand what changes you can expect in your child. Seeing a therapist, may be good for you, but ultimately it's just another thing that you do in an attempt to ensure that, however the divorce turns out, your child will be emotionally protected.

The manner in which the parents handle the divorce can greatly affect the future emotional growth of our child. If both partners handle it responsibly, the odds are the child will have no ill emotional effects from the divorce. But if the adults handle it badly, their child could very well become emotionally damaged for the rest of their lives.

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