Divorce is tumultuous and a tremendous transition for a family. There are changing living arrangements, changes in the children's time with each parent, financial and lifestyle adjustments, changes in routine, and intense emotions to contend with. Often, children are caught in the middle of all of it, being impacted by a decision they had no say in. In considering all the ramifications of a parental decision to divorce, it would seem that divorce is rarely desirable. There are instances, however, where the marriage is so toxic or damaging to one or both spouses that a divorce might be in the best interests of both parent and child. Here are 3 indicators that divorcing might be a viable option:
1. There is abuse in the marriage. Children observe your marriage as a prototype for a relationship. If you are being subjected to abuse by your partner, not only are you endangering yourself, but you are doing emotional damage to your children, who are helplessly watching. If you are suffering physical abuse, please make contact with a domestic violence shelter. Or, speak with a counselor specializing in domestic abuse issues. Emotional abuse may not leave as obvious a scar, but this is also highly damaging and is perpetually being studied by your children. As they get older, they may not be very thankful you kept them in a chaotic environment - or respect your decision to stay and be subjected to abuse.
2. Your partner has a drug and/or alcohol problem and is unwilling to get any treatment for it. This is a difficult situation, but if your partner is actively using, he or she is not fully present in the relationship or for your children. He or she may even be at risk of endangering your kids if there is any drug or alcohol use around them. You are likely to be pulled into crisis management mode - trying to keep things together through the dysfunction of your partner. This distracts you from your children's needs as well as your own. Your children are also learning about relationships and coping mechanisms by watching you, and this is not a good example for them to follow.
3. There is serial, continuing adultery in your marriage. If your partner disrespects you regularly by cheating on you, this is likely to wreck your own self esteem and cause fighting, chaos, and hurt. You can't build a healthy relationship if trust cannot be rebuilt. Even if you try to hide the truth from your children, they will be sensitive enough to know something is wrong. You are again likely to be so distracted trying to manage your own hurt that the emotional needs of your children run the risk of being neglected.
Are you interested in addressing the challenge of divorce from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, and relationship components?
For a free copy of my ebook, "Natural Methods To Fight Depression", click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html
Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.
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