You might not see me sitting here all alone, by myself, without a care in the world about anything you think I should be doing better. You have made up your mind about me a long time ago. Nothing I say or do will convince you otherwise. I am lazy, stupid, good for nothing, unappreciative, and other names I prefer not to repeat (and really wish you would stop using about me).
I am sorry (you think) I have let you down and not tried my best. Believe it or not, but I don't wake up every morning scheming about ways that I can push your buttons, upset you, or increase the stress in your life. When you come home and yell about yet another incident at school, the office, or wherever else it seems to happen, your words don't go unnoticed. It hurts me more than you might know.
I hear every word you say. I am not ignoring you when I don't look in your eyes, and getting louder doesn't make it any easier too either. I am sorry for "zoning out" in your class. I wish how you wouldn't take it personally. It's not you, I just don't get the material and I can't stop thinking about what is going on at home.
I don't like those meetings either. They are about me, remember? What you see, as me sitting there with a smug look on my face, is actually just my way of blocking out even more negative things people have to say about me. I wish I could tell you how much it hurts. I really do want to do better, but I don't know how.
I can't sit still, and I can't focus no matter what I try. Sure, sometimes it is my fault. I get bored easily, and would rather be doing about one hundred different things racing around in my head. Those lists I keep that you think are a little obsessive, are really my way of expressing all the different thoughts in my head. I know you think I am crazy, and that it's easy for me to just "get organized," but I have such big plans and no way of finishing them on my own.
Sometimes I think it's me, sometimes I think maybe I am a little crazy, and then there are times I just sit here and think about what it really means to have ADHD.
I have no idea what it means. People point their fingers at me and laugh. They leave me alone, and I just don't want to deal with having ADHD.
There is so much more to having ADHD then many people realize. I'd like to offer you access to an almost 60-minute audio interview from http://www.adhdaudiosuccess.com, where one successful psychologist reveals his personal struggles and successes with ADHD for over 15 years.
You are also welcomed to visit http://www.thetruthbehindadhd.com where you can read more tips and stay current with the latest ramblings on ADHD.
No comments:
Post a Comment