When my son, JJ, was 4, he was diagnosed with ADHD. When he was 9, his middle school principal declared him "at risk."
I had tried all the traditional ways of helping my son, including medication and the "talking kind" of therapy with psychologists and psychiatrists. I had read at least 30 books by all the parenting gurus. Still, my son's behavior was out of control.
Everything Changed When I Took Practical Advice
I was led by a friend to a psychotherapist who had raised 36 foster children with severe ADHD. She said my son probably also had ODD, oppositional defiant disorder (65% of children with ADHD develop it). She taught me a her new and improved way of parenting children with ADHD. And within 3 weeks, my son's behavior was 75% better.
Raising a child with ADHD is much like hiking out of the Grand Canyon. For every ten steps you take forward, you slip back three steps on the loose gravel topping the trail.
Ten Things I Learned
After many rounds of ten steps forward and three steps back, this is what I have learned about my son:
1. He's constantly watching to see if I practice what I preach. My key role is to model the behavior I expect of him. He is most impressed by my self-control.
2. He truly wants to please me. It bothers his conscience to be out of my favor.
3. He needs ample attention. He earns it with his good behavior.
4. The ongoing challenge is school. The big difference came when I learned how to maintain open communication and partnership with school personnel. Medication helped him to concentrate on school work.
5. If he lacks a value or social skill, it is probably because I never taught it to him in ways that he could understand and absorb.
6. He needs to see what is in it for him. He needs a reason to start now with good attitude. Using a token system is essential to prevent nagging, begging, bribing, and other things that don't motivate him to change.
7. If he is misbehaving, he is not getting something he needs. I must meet his needs or suffer the consequences.
8. I must vigilantly observe him and listen to everything he says, because is easier to keep him on track than to get him back on track after he derails. I must handle derailments immediately, calmly, and patiently.
9. My main goal is to teach him how to think so he can solve his own problems.
10. Consistency is key. His therapist warned that if my son went for only three months without training before he was 18 years old, he would backslide completely to pre-training chaos.
It's NOT Our Fault
We think that just because we're parents, we should know how to parent our children with special needs. My guessing and trying only led to years of suffering. The biggest hurdle was changing my old ineffective ways.
No parents want to hear they must change first, before they can change their children with ADHD, so they can become more successful independent adults. It is unfair to ask our children to do what we cannot do.
Here's What to Do Next
If now is a good time to get your child's attitude and behavior under control, I invite you to use these parenting tips to get started. If you want more tips, I invite you to claim your free report "Seven Simple Ways to Motivate Your Child to Listen to You!" You can download it when you sign up at http://www.AdhdParentingTips.com It explains the methods I used to transform my son's ADHD/ODD behavior from out-of-control to almost normal in 3 weeks. You also get 3 free videos: "How To Prevent Temper Tantrums." The sooner you start this, the easier it is to help your child. You CAN do this.
From Debra Sale Wendler - Respect Effect Mom and Respect Effect Parenting at http://www.AdhdParentingSuccess.com
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