One of the major hurdles to the decision to end a marriage and seek a divorce is the impact this will have on the children. There is really no getting around the fact that children will be affected by the divorce and we, as parents, wish we could protect them from the inevitability of this change to their lives. The separation of the parents poses a threat to their security within the family structure. They want to know if they still belong to their parents wholly and completely as they did prior to the separation.
If you have decided to initiate the divorce but are holding back because of the children, remember to keep the following points in mind:
1. Children feel the tension. When the household has reached a point where the two parties can no longer tolerate their lives in each other's company, the children pick up on this tension and it is imparted to them in subtle ways. The stress of maintaining the emotional timbre of their surroundings while both parents try to function under one roof can be felt by the children when they see one or the other parent lose their self control at times that make no sense for the children. They know something is wrong but they don't understand why there is a problem. This leaves them feeling insecure about their parent's behavior and their role in the family dynamics.
2. Children are resilient. The recovery time for each child when facing the separation of their parents is individual and cannot be assigned a specific time frame. The effects of divorce on children are mitigated by the resilience factor. It has been documented that children demonstrate an ability to recover more quickly from a disruption in their family environment especially if both parents are solid in putting the children ahead of their individual concerns.
Keeping the family together for the children's sake is not always in their best interest when the household is in turmoil and daily strife undermines their security. The removal of one parent from the home is a serious adjustment for children but can be dealt with when constantly reassured of their love by both parents. Children are resilient and will adapt to their new schedules once the parents and the children have accepted and adopted these routines into their lives.
Maureen Jordan is a writer and researcher in the area of divorce and relationships. Visit her website at http://www.divorcesurvivalnow.com to find more great information and practical advice about how to dissolve your marriage amicably by following eight easy steps. These guidelines will help you to initiate the divorce process, take charge of your finances and offer direction for minimizing conflict with your spouse.
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